Most of us lead ordinary lives. Even though a lot of us are extraordinary in some sense. We know we could be doing and achieving and experiencing so much more. So why do we not?
I’m obsessed with that question. Because at the end of the day, our potential is just that… potential. Time flies. Unless you make big changes, you’ll be left wondering what could have been. That kind of frightens me. Maybe you can relate. If yes, consider taking out 5 minutes to read this page.
Let me start off with my story. My name’s Kunal. Life’s been good. A little too good for my own good maybe. I landed a cushy job in the finance industry right out of college. Flexible hours, good pay, minimal work. All the good shit. But everything came too easily (and I was disillusioned by the world of finance). I never experienced the feeling of growth. Or the satisfaction of overcoming a big challenge. Or the fulfillment of deep work.
I was stuck in my comfort zone, going nowhere. Stagnant. And I was scared. I was scared that if I continued on the same path, I’d get stuck in the rat race. Unfulfilling work, corporate politics, living for the weekends, sedentary lifestyle, one or two vacations a year — the idea of doing this for the next 40 years terrified me. Nobody really wants that. Surely there was a way out?
“Hey I’m young. I don’t have any debt or responsibilities. I could quit my job and try to do something on my own. What’s the worst that could happen?”
I asked myself this question for over a year. Eventually, I got to a stage where I had built up enough courage to say fuck it, let’s do it. And to stop myself from going back on it, I started telling people around me that I’m going to do it. So when my yearly bonus got credited, I handed in my resignation.
I had a faint idea about what I wanted to do. I had enough money saved up to cover my expenses for a year or so. And people around me were very supportive. I was excited (and to be honest, also a bit cocky). This was March 2019.
My excitement didn’t last long.
For the first three months, I got nothing done. Zilch. I would wake up around 1 PM. Scroll Twitter in my bed for an hour. Somehow get out of bed. Get something to eat. Laze around. Maybe hit the gym. And spend the rest of the day jumping between Twitter / Reddit / Facebook / Youtube. Then around 1 AM I’d feel shitty about wasting the day and beat myself up, vowing to fix everything up the next day. Repeat. And on days when I did manage to get something done, I’d reward myself with breaks that lasted 2-3 days. Throwing away whatever little momentum I had.
I realized that I had never learned to work hard. I did not have the ability to concentrate for an extended duration. I had no discipline at all. I was fighting years of bad habits. It was a painful reality check. And I was spending much more money than I had budgeted for. At that point, I was overwhelmed by two strong emotions — desperation and guilt.
To-do apps. Accountability groups. Social media detox. Pomodoro. Scheduling. I tried everything (except waking up early, fuck that shit).
Some of it was useful. But I just could not stick with anything. If I somehow managed to get rid of a bad habit, another one would replace it. I eventually realized that I was treating the symptoms, not the disease.
I asked myself, “If you’re actually smart, why can’t you figure out what would it take to get yourself to do the things you need to do?”
Seriously, what good is our intelligence if we can’t use it to become successful / healthy / wealthy / happy? There’s a part of you that knows you could be doing so much more. So what’s holding you back? And hey, you’re too smart to be the only thing standing in your way. So, why are we not where we want to be? Why do we engage in behaviors that we know will make us unhappy and unhealthy in the long run?
Because we’re slaves to our own minds. We have no idea how it works. And the mind is an excellent servant, but a terrible master.
When I had that realization, I became obsessed with the human mind. I wanted to get inside my brain and fix things up. And once I started figuring out how my mind works, things started falling in place. I became more productive. I’m working on projects I love. I read more. I write more. And I’m deliriously happy most of the time. I’m still fighting some of the old demons, but I’ve come a long way.
To be a little reductionist — at a fundamental level, everything we do, think, and feel is governed by how our neurons connect to one another. Realize that we can influence these “patterns of connection” and take control of our lives.
Because here’s what happens when you grasp how your mind works…
One, you start understanding what’s going on in your mind.
You become more self-aware. You deal with unresolved emotional issues. You overcome inner blocks. You become happier and mentally healthy. You learn faster. You adopt the right mindsets. You get yourself to do the things you know you need to do. You develop powerful habits. You make better decisions.
Two, you start understanding what’s going on in other people’s minds.
You become more empathetic. You communicate effectively. You intuitively figure out how to create rapport, attraction, trust. Your relationships get stronger. You figure out how to persuade people. You learn how to sell yourself, your ideas. You make better connections.
Makes sense, right?
This thing between our ears is so much more powerful than we realize. We need to make it work for us, not against us. And that’s the core idea behind what I’m trying to do here. What started off as an attempt to fix my bad habits became a full-fledged deep dive into psychology.
I’m no expert (yet), just insanely curious about the human mind. I want to share all that I’ve learned and all that I’m learning on this journey. Email seems like a cool simple way to do it. Also allows me to have conversations and learn from you.
Let’s dismantle the mind and talk about the WHY behind the things going on in our minds. And HOW we can leverage that knowledge to cultivate a more meaningful life. If you can take out a few minutes to read an email every now and then, I promise to help you develop a deeper understanding of how your mind works. So that you can create a life full of beauty, joy, and love.
Most of the content on this website has emerged from conversations with readers like you. Take a look around. If you like what you see, you’ll love the emails. Not here to preach (might still do it sometimes). You have to carve your own path. And fight your own battles. I’m just hoping to give you some ideas and knowledge that will help along the way. Practical stuff. First principles.
Sounds cool? See you inside.
Cheers,
Kunal
Some kind words from readers:
“Big fan of your emails and articles man. Really well written and researched.” — Adrian
“Thank you for this email. I have read it 4 times now to be able to have a clear conversation with myself.” — Priyanka
“Just read the last email about placebo and you crushed it again.” — Joraver
“Thank you for sharing these informative emails. They help me quite a lot to cope with my fluctuating emotions and make me more self-aware” — Divyansha
“Fantastic read, Kunal. Looking forward to more insights from you.” — Jiggs
“Very well articulated, I have signed up for many newsletters, but yours is the one I look forward the most, because you go for quality, rather than quantity.” — Shri
“This newsletter is very informative, thank you for sharing your thoughts!” — Tejan
“One of the best newsletters out there. Consistently interesting, insightful and useful” — Giorgio
“… what you have articulated here beautifully has me feeling like I just got a superpower, at a minimum a major upgrade to my HumanOS.” — Alex
“Great stuff man. Keep them coming.” — Me
See you around.