What we are aware of… what exists in our consciousness… our ego… is only a sliver of our total personality. As you’re probably aware, the unconscious, which lies beneath that tip of the iceberg, is the far larger realm of our psyche.
Starting in childhood, we psychically cut off parts of ourselves that don’t get approval or acceptance from society. Your “shadow self” becomes the collection of these repressed aspects (both negative and positive) of your identity. And it influences every area of your life — your beliefs, desires, fears, aspirations.
One of the ways in which the shadow leaks out of our personality is through the psychological phenomenon called projection.
Through projection, we take thoughts, desires, feelings that we can’t accept as our own and attribute them to someone else. It’s a defense mechanism. We do it to avoid facing the uncomfortable aspects of our personalities.
Particular sensitivity to a character trait of another person — could be positive or negative — is a sign that this trait exists in the darkness of our unconscious. If you feel strongly towards someone — could be anger, love, hate, or admiration — it points to something about yourself that you need to own up to.
Think about someone who often irritates you or someone you despise. Now consider the (strong) possibility that it’s not them, it’s you. For example, when one cannot handle the negative feelings for their job, they’ll project it upon their boss. Or one might feel discontent in a relationship and to avoid guilt, they’ll project their discontent onto their partner by exaggerating their flaws.
When you find yourself disapproving or envying someone’s behavior — it may point to an unmet need within yourself that you need to meet in a healthy, conscious way. For example, someone who finds it difficult to express himself might experience an irrational dislike for someone who comfortably expresses himself and freely connects with others. Like how some shy introverts feel that extroverts are loud and pretentious.
If you feel judged by others, it may be your own self-judgment making you feel that way and you project it outwards. Like when you get a bad haircut and worry about what others are thinking of it, while the truth is that nobody cares about your hair.
Of course, projection does not happen in a vacuum. It exaggerates an element that already exists in the other person on a small scale. But whenever somebody evokes strong feelings within you, consider it an opportunity to gain awareness into your unconscious. Each of your relationships can assist in making you conscious of who you really are.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.” — Jung
As we become more aware of our shadow and stop projecting, we start seeing the shadows of other people. We realize that their disturbing words and actions originate from a place of fear, not malice. Like how a bully projects his feelings of vulnerability onto his targets. As they say, hurt people hurt people.
Understanding this helps us develop compassion for others (and ourselves). Empathy is like a reverse form of projection, where others’ feelings are experienced as one’s own.
The process also helps us become more centered wherein we are not easily set off by the actions or words of other people.
On the other hand, those who rely too heavily on projection (to avoid facing their shadow) adopt a victim mindset and go through life looking for scapegoats to blame all their problems. Such people are easy prey for collectivist movements that have ready-made scapegoats in the form of members of a different race or socioeconomic class or gender or political parties. (“F**K TRUMP”, “MEN ARE TRASH”, “EAT THE RICH”)
It’s important to remember we don’t just project our weaknesses and insecurities. We also project our greatest qualities and possibilities onto other people.
Have you ever wondered why your “heroes” are different from everyone else… why others can’t seem to appreciate what you see in these people… or why some movies or ideas appeal to you more than others.
It’s because we don’t see things and people as they are… we see them as we are.
Some of your latent positive qualities often conflict with your current identity (which has been conditioned by society). This creates cognitive dissonance. Your mind doesn’t understand what to do with these qualities or how to relate to them. So it subconsciously projects your inner gold onto someone else — could be celebrities, athletes, gurus, or even your partner. And you then become consumed with that person.
We often shy away from owning our positive qualities because it means being totally accountable. You hold this amazing potential and now it’s your responsibility to actualize it. You might fail. That’s a scary thought. And it’s easy to stay in the comfort zone.
To integrate the positive shadow is to recognize your untapped potential behind the awe you have for others. And then having the courage to actualize it.
Here’s a relevant book recommendation: Inner Gold: Understanding Psychological Projection (Short quick read and you’ll take a lot away from it)
Thank you for reading. Most of the content on this website has emerged from conversations with readers like you.
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